personas

You know like um when you make a promise yourself,
there is this HUGE how do you say, urge to not break it.

It's like fasting.
You make a promise to yourself as well, which is to sustain hunger.
It challenges you mentally.
and I. Like. Love. Challenges.
There's something about people's underestimation that makes you want to punch their face and say 'You think I can't?'
But hey, that's just me.
I'm sure some of you would like to shove your fist down their throat.

So what happened was, I told myself to keep it liberal.
And I said jealousy is one word that should not be in my dictionary.
There should always be a legitimate explanation as to why something happened.
Like say, I shouldn't be jealous if someone got a, i don't know, a laptop or something because I should keep in mind that they deserved it and when they saw a chance, they took it.
Good for them.
And we're clear of that path, really.

Something triggered my murderous self earlier today and I was so angry at myself because, let's face it, I was jealous.
Like how the hell did I even let that get to me?
I wanted to shut everything off; the world, social circles, notifications, my room, the lights and my eyes.
The only thing switched on was my iPod and that's an exception.

The liberal side of me wants one thing to be ok.
But how can I obtain that when I can't get pass this stage?
To get to where I said would be ok, this level of emotions must be controlled.
And I can't seem to do that.

I guess I'm more angry because of me letting things get out of hand instead of what actually happened.

This is one of my rants bytheway, just to clear things out.

xom.